Burdens

This past week I have been thinking a lot about burdens and trials.  There’s not an obvious reason why because I haven’t had a major event or catastrophe happen.  I was just reminded through some small experiences how important it is to be grateful for the “troubles” we go through because they help us be humble and through that humility we can become like God.

When I think back over the course of my life I can find many depressing and dark holes, places I would never want to return to.  And yet, I find great joy in those times because of the refinement that came during and after those experiences.

It’s always easier to see the blessing when you’re looking back but hopefully having gone through these experiences I can learn to be better in the future.  These are just a few examples: Being overweight and self conscious about my body in elementary school?  Check.  Never feeling like I was pretty enough for any boy to notice me?  Check.  Feeling like the “Amazon” woman because I hit puberty in 5 grade and all my friends were a foot shorter than me and didn’t need to wear a bra.  Check.  Those were some difficult times and I feel sorry for the little girl who went through them.  But, now I see so much happiness from never facing the challenges of dressing immodestly and feeling ready and prepared to enter the temple and make covenants right when I needed to.  I am so grateful that I was never in a situation where I was taken advantage of or tempted to make some unwise decisions when it came to the opposite sex.  I can tell my husband with full confidence that I kept myself clean. 

What about the times when I was so alone and felt like I had no one to turn to?  Check.  The times when I would sob in my bedroom hoping my roommates wouldn’t hear me for fear of breaking down in front of them?  Check.  What about the time when I moved to Utah, knowing the Lord told me to, but couldn’t fathom why He wanted me to leave when my sister needed me so badly as her world turned upside down?  Check.  All of these examples bring sadness to my heart because I remember with such vividness the torment I experienced but with them came elevation.  The Lord was with me each time; I have no doubt.  There couldn’t possibly be any doubt because I know myself and I could never have made it through those experiences and have such a positive outlook about them without the help of my Savior. 

The Savior never promised us that if we keep the commandments and we try to do what’s right that we will never go through trials; in fact, it was quite the opposite.  A common children’s church song is called “The Wise Man and the Foolish Man” and how their homes were affected during a storm.  The wise man had built his house on a rock so it stood still and the foolish man had built his house on the sand and it washed away.  Elder Pino tells us, “It is interesting to notice that the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew against both houses!  Living the gospel does not mean that we will everlastingly escape adversity.  Rather, it means that we will be prepared to face and endure adversity more confidently.” 

I served my mission in Kirtland, Ohio where some of the early church history took place.  The church has even purchased some original buildings where the Savior stood and spoke with his prophet.  How miraculous is that?!  A few of the other buildings on the historical site have been recreated on their original foundations.  One of those buildings is called an Ashery and it became one of my favorite places to visit.  An ashery was a place where ashes (like from a fire) went through levels of cleansing to become products that were more valuable and useful.  First, the ashes were placed in a large wooden funnel with a filter at the bottom.  Water would be poured from the top so that eventually a mixture of water and lye would come out the bottom.  Then the water and lye would be boiled in large caldrons for hours where the water would evaporate and you would be left with a dark rock substance called “pot ash”.  This could be used from many things like fertilizer and such.  If you wanted to take the cleansing process a step further you would place the pot ash in a scorching furnace where all the impurities would be cooked away and you would be left with a beautiful white rock called “pearl ash”.  This rock could be used for making art, glass, and even, medication.  The pearl ash could be sold for more than 200% of the amount paid for the ashes and could be used for some many useful and wonderful purposes.  We are like these ashes.  We may see ourselves as left-over fire ashes worth close to nothing but the Lord knows our potential.  If we allow Him to let us go through experiences like being drenched, or boiled, or baked for hours upon hours we too can become something much more valuable than we were are now or where we started.  These blistering events can cook away our impurities and help us become beautiful and pure.   

 

(An outside view of the Ashery) 

I know that burdens are hard.  I sometimes wish that trials weren’t the perfect way to purify, cleanse, and perfect us; but they are!  Alma promises us in The Book of Mormon, “…whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day.”  I know that that promise is true.  I hope that we all can remember – we have to put our trust in Him so that He can give us the strength we need during those dark days.  Be grateful the Lord has allowed you to go through hard things because you can become more perfect through them.  

Further gospel Study: 
Elder Bednar (April 2014) "Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease"  

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/bear-up-their-burdens-with-ease?lang=eng

President Faust (Feb 2006) "Refined in Our Trials"
https://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/02/refined-in-our-trials?lang=eng 

Elder Andersen (Oct 2012) "Trial of Your Faith"
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/trial-of-your-faith?lang=eng

Alma 36: 3

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/36?lang=eng 

2 Corinthians 4 (—Mortal trials are nothing as contrasted with eternal glory)
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/2-cor/4?lang=eng# 

Give diligent heed to words of eternal life

For obvious reasons I decided to study and write about diligence.  There are many excuses I could use to convince you of my inability to post each week but they are garbage.  The fact is this, having a gospel centered blog, is hard and sometimes doing hard things is, well…hard.  But as my amazing husband has told me before, “Sometimes you’ve got to do things you don’t want to do.”  So here I am, in all my humility, writing about my weaknesses.  I get lazy, overwhelmed, selfish, and entitled but every now and again the Spirit humbles me and reminds me what the true purpose is while being on the earth.  All of the superfluous things I stress over aren’t really worth my time.  I want to start now to become more diligent in the important things.  “Diligence is persisting in doing something in spite of opposition" (Olson).

I find myself setting really great goals that are achievable and realistic but after a week or so the excitement and consistency of them begin to fade.  Other times I mess up one day on the goal (like an exercise or scripture reading goal) and I act like I have failed in all things so I drop the goal altogether because “I can’t do it” or “It’s too hard”.  Why do I do this?  No one has ever told me that I had to be perfect everyday; the Lord hasn’t even told me that I would be perfect every day.  This expectation I have set for myself is not true and not helpful.  I will always fall short by myself.

The good news is that I can be perfect through the Savior.  With His help I can pick myself up and try again.  I can diligently seek His help in forgiving, repenting, searching, trying, serving, caring, loving, and keeping His commandments.  He promises that we will find joy and satisfaction in our righteous efforts.  “He who is diligent in keeping the commandments will be blessed unto eternal life” (D&C 18:8). 

Some of you, like me, may find yourselves feeling like you constantly fall short. I promise you that when you make a better effort to be diligent in the gospel, no matter where you are with your testimony, you will begin to recognize the blessings God gives to you, especially the gift of becoming closer to Him.  Start with something small - not small in its significance by any means - like prayer.  A morning conversation with your Heavenly Father can begin a monumental change in your day.  As your prayers become more like a craving than a goal you can begin to add scripture study, going to church, serving, and any other thing you can think of to help you become closer to Christ.  There will be many things that will distract you or cause you to forget but never give up; never stop trying to seek His help and do what's right.  

"Persisting in doing what is right—in spite of opposition—is required of the Lord’s covenant people. However, the Lord promises great blessings to those who are diligent in prayer, in keeping the commandments, in heeding revelation, in searching the scriptures, and in laboring in His work” (Olson).  

Be diligent.  He is waiting with open arms for you.

Further study on diligence:

1. Preach My Gospel states, “Diligence is steady, consistent, earnest, and energetic effort in doing the Lord’s work”. 
2. Lds.org states something similar, “Consistent, valiant effort, especially in serving the Lord and obeying his word”. 
3. Scriptures:
1. God is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him: Heb. 11:6;
2. Giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue: 2 Pet. 1:5;
3. They had searched the scriptures diligently: Alma 17:2;
4. Let us labor diligently: Moro. 9:6;
5. Be anxiously engaged in a good cause: D&C 58:27;
6. Neither be idle but labor with your might: D&C 75:3;
4. “Islands of Faith: A Story of Diligence” By Adam C. Olson  https://www.lds.org/ensign/2011/07/islands-of-faith-a-story-of-diligence?lang=eng&query=diligence

5. Preach My Gospel – Diligence  https://www.lds.org/manual/preach-my-gospel-a-guide-to-missionary-service/how-do-i-develop-christlike-attributes?lang=eng

The Will of God

"The will of God will not take you where the grace of God cannot protect you." 

They are forgiven. And they forgive.

Lost No More

“How can I let go of the pain my spouse has caused me as we try to keep fighting for our marriage?”  “How can I separate worth of a person from their actions/performance?"  “How can still love someone when he/she chooses bad choices?”

I am sure many of you have asked those questions before and the rest of you who have read Ashlee's blog are thinking, "How did Ashlee find her answers to those questions?"  The answer is simple but finding it out for yourself can be a shockingly beautiful experience. 

I read somewhere that most members of the church can tell you the peripherals of the gospel; things like tithing, food storage, genealogy; but a lot of us can’t explain the foundational doctrines.  We sometimes get caught up in the “dos and don’ts” that we miss some of the most important aspects of this glorious plan;  things like repentance and forgiveness. 

I have fallen victim to this trap.  I have been surrounded by this church my whole life.  I even went on an 18 month full-time mission and taught at the Missionary Training Center after my return.  I thought I was well versed in the gospel.  Not that I believed myself to be an expert but I thought I had gone through so many great experiences that I could give you the ins and outs.  I was wrong.  I knew the gospel but I didn’t really know it – meaning I hadn’t yet been humbled to my knees to clearly understand what repentance and forgiveness meant.  

 There was a time when I questioned Christ and His power to forgive.  How stupid of me!  I was questioning my Savior?  I thought that someone was passed the point of His atonement’s reaching arms?  Without question, I had some very humbling experiences to bring me back to reality on this point.

The summer of 2011, after reaching the point of letting go of my fear and having an attitude of “so what?” I began to date…a little.  One of the guys I started to date told me about some choices he had made in the past; choices that were not in line with the standards we were living now.  My first reaction was shock because this man in front of me was nothing like that man he was explaining from his past.  My next reaction, a few days later after the shock wore off, was doubt.  I doubted everything about him.  I looked at the decisions of his past with the thoughts to myself like, “You never did any of those things.  You deserve someone who has lived a righteous life like you have.  You are better than him.  You deserve someone as righteous as you.”

It’s embarrassing now to admit this now, but it’s true.  I was that self righteous. 

Because of the “anguish” I was experiencing having this debate in my head I decided to meet with my bishop (I hope you all read that with the sarcasm I was intending it to have).  I wanted to get his stamp of approval that I was making the right choice in moving on and choosing someone “better” or "more worthy of me".  Instead of finding a friend in my corner this bishop put me in my place.  After telling him the situation and asking for his advice this is what his reply, “Sounds to me like you are very prideful."  I was shocked and little ticked off.  Come on.  I was here to find justification not to be humbled.  He continued with this story, "If a diamond disobeys the order of its maker and jumps out of its box to roll around in the mud for bit but then turns to the maker to get cleaned up again, does that make the diamond less valuable?”  “No,” I replied.  “So, do you believe that the Ultimate Creator has the power to clean us up?” 

That is the golden question folks!  This bishop literally changed my entire life.  Through the rest of our discussion I came to realize that I was the one who was not worthy of him (the guy, not Christ).  He had already turned to Christ and became clean through His atonement while I, on the other hand, had built a wall so high around the atonement that I found myself on the outside.  I didn’t want to be on the outside!  I wanted to be within the boundaries so that the atonement could reach me so that I could be forgiven, too.  The changes I then decided to make have forever changed the course of my life.

I promise you that if you turn to the Savior all can be forgiven.  You, me, your husband, your wife, your children, your parents, your siblings, your friends.  All.  I know that Christ lives.  I know that His power is real because I have felt it and I have seen it.  I know that I can be forgiven and I know that I can forgive; not because I am an amazing person but because I know that with Christ's help I can do anything.  

 “Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive” (Elder Uchtodof)

Some amazing quotes on repentance and forgiveness:

1. Elder Anderson in the November 2009 Ensign said, “Repentance always means that there is greater happiness ahead.”  It is so true.  When we repent and feel the forgiveness of our maker there is no greater blessing that can come in this world.  If some are still questioning their ability to forgive another just remember that if you begin to build walls around the atonement you may find yourself on the outside like I did.  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/repent-that-i-may-heal-you?lang=eng
2.  “As we repent, our view of ourselves and the world changes.  As we change, we recognize that we are children of God and that we need not continue making the same mistake s over and over.  If we sincerely repent, we turn away from sins and do them no more.  We resist any desire to commit sin.  Or desire to follow God grows stronger and deeper.”  https://www.lds.org/manual/preach-my-gospel-a-guide-to-missionary-service/lesson-3-the-gospel-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng 
3. 1 Nephi 3:7 says, “..[The] Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men save he shall prepare a way for them that they many accomplish [it].”  https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/3.7?lang=eng 
4.   Why do I need to forgive others?  In order to receive forgiveness for our sins, we need to forgive others. Forgiving others allows us to overcome feelings of anger, bitterness, or revenge. Forgiveness can heal spiritual wounds and bring the peace and love that only God can give. https://www.lds.org/youth/learn/ap/atonement/forgive?lang=eng 
5. “A person’s ability to forgive is in proportion to the greatness of his soul. Little men cannot forgive.” “Tell them,” said a beloved associate, “tell them to learn to forgive.” One thing to remember—in marriage, in the family, in all relationships of life—we are always dealing with imperfect people, including ourselves. And it isn’t fair to expect perfection in others when we can’t offer it ourselves. Life moves one way. We can’t go back. But we can go forever forward: improving, repenting, understanding, forgiving others—even forgiving ourselves—not justifying our faults, not saying that the wrong we do is right, but not defeating our own future, forever unforgiving or unforgiven. https://www.lds.org/new-era/1971/03/the-spoken-word/the-spoken-word?lang=eng&query=forgiving+other 
6. We have no control over other’s actions.  We only have the ability to encourage, persuade, and show by example when it comes to effecting other’s decisions.  Control is not, and has never been, part of God’s plan.  If we are unhappy or feel wronged by someone else’s actions than we need to: 

1.      Communicate our feelings without anger, vengeance, or manipulation

2.      Allow the other person to process

3.      Have “Godlike” expectations (meaning: we can’t express our feelings with a specific result or reaction in mind (that’s called manipulation).  Be honest and let the other person react in the way they feel is appropriate.  This, in a way, is having “low expectations” but also keeping the Lord in mind when you react to their reaction)

4.      Listen to the other person’s feelings and intentions on the matter.  Try to see them through the Savior’s eyes

5.      Keep the Spirit with you.  Always!

6.      Apologize for any wrong you might have played in the situation

7.      Repent of those wrong choices

8.      Continue to stay close to the Lord.  Don't allow Satan to tempt you with feelings of justification, validation for bad thoughts/words/actions, and revenge.  He will try but you can win with the Lord on your side. 

These steps won’t be perfect; you may have to do them over and over and over.  It’s a process not a checklist.  Try to become happy and comfortable with the process.  We can still find happiness even when we don’t feel like trying that day.  The Lord is eager to bless us.  

7.  "Why should we forgive others? (D&C 64:9–10.)  How can it be a greater sin to refuse to forgive someone? (When we refuse to forgive others, we can become filled with anger, hate, and a desire for revenge. These feelings can cause us to lose the companionship of the Holy Ghost and make it more difficult for us to live other gospel principles. Also, when we do not forgive someone, it can make it more difficult for that person to complete his or her own repentance process.)"

 https://www.lds.org/manual/preparing-for-exaltation-teachers-manual/lesson-34-forgiving-others?lang=eng 

8. Elder Uchtdorf

"But when it comes to our own prejudices and grievances, we too often justify our anger as righteous and our judgment as reliable and only appropriate. Though we cannot look into another’s heart, we assume that we know a bad motive or even a bad person when we see one. We make exceptions when it comes to our own bitterness because we feel that, in our case, we have all the information we need to hold someone else in contempt.

Because we all depend on the mercy of God, how can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven?

Is this difficult to do?

Yes, of course.

Forgiving ourselves and others is not easy. In fact, for most of us it requires a major change in our attitude and way of thinking—even a change of heart. But there is good news. This “mighty change”8 of heart is exactly what the gospel of Jesus Christ is designed to bring into our lives.

How is it done? Through the love of God.

Brothers and sisters, there is enough heartache and sorrow in this life without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, bitterness, and resentment.

We are not perfect.

The people around us are not perfect.19 People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger. In this mortal life it will always be that way.

Nevertheless, we must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things. That is the Lord’s way.

Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive.

Lay your burden at the Savior’s feet. Let go of judgment. Allow Christ’s Atonement to change and heal your heart. Love one another. Forgive one another.

The merciful will obtain mercy."

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/the-merciful-obtain-mercy?lang=eng 

Scriptures:

Matthew 5:44; D&C 64:9–11 (We are commanded to forgive everyone)

Matthew 6:14–15; 18:21–35 or the video “Forgive 70 Times 7” (To receive forgiveness, we must forgive others)

Luke 23:34 (Jesus Christ forgave those who crucified Him)

Gordon B. Hinckley, “Forgiveness,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2005, 81–84

Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Merciful Obtain Mercy,” Ensign orLiahona, May 2012,

MOVIE CLIP:  My Burden Was Made Light  https://www.lds.org/youth/learn/ap/atonement/forgive?lang=eng#video=forgiveness-my-burden-was-made-light

Believing Christ

“Faith and fear cannot coexist. One gives way to the other. The simple fact is we all need to constantly build faith and overcome sources of destructive disbelief” (Elder Pearson).

I promise that your life will be better in every way when you begin your journey down the path of faith in Jesus Christ. 

“Faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true (Heb. 11:1; Alma 32:21), and must be centered in Jesus Christ to produce salvation.”  There are many things in the gospel that we need to develop faith in, but most importantly we must have our faith centered on the Savior. 

Preach My Gospel tells us that “having faith in Christ includes having a firm belief that He is the Only Begotten Son of God AND the Savior and Redeemer of the world” (pg 61). 

Savior.  Do we know and believe what that title means?  This is the aspect of faith that I want to address.  Many of us believe in Jesus Christ but do we believe Him?  I can say I have faith in Christ but just as important do I believe that He will actually do what He promised He would do?

Stephen Robinson beautifully writes in his book “Believing Christ” about this important understanding of having faith in Christ:   

“Not only must we believe that he is who he says he is, we must also believe that he can do what he says he can do.  We must only believe in Christ, we must also believe Christ when he says he can clean us up and make us celestial.  He says that through his atoning blood, all mankind may be saved – and “all mankind” must logically include you and me.  So until we accept the real possibility of our own exaltation in the kingdom of God, we do not yet have faith in Christ; we do not yet believe” (pg. 10).

I have forever been changed by this understanding.  The summer after Emmett died, as you may recall from my last post, was a very difficult time for me.  I needed to be free of fear.  The book previously mention, “Believing Christ” was recommended by a counselor that I had been meeting with.  After meeting with him and using this new resource in my gospel study I was able to find a new light that has lead me down a path of happiness.  As I came to understand and allow the power of Christ’s atonement in my life I felt the burdens I had been carrying lift off my shoulders.  I became a new person!  As I used my faith in Christ to guide me to believe in His merciful power I was able to be free. 

I had to start practicing right away.  I knew that if I only took this new knowledge and thanked Heavenly Father for helping me to understand that that wouldn’t be enough.  I needed to act and apply it my life every single day. 

“Faith without works is dead."  This is a vital part in believing Christ.  We need to act.  We are commanded to act.  We were just told today by Elder Hales in the Saturday afternoon session of General Conference that “there is no greater or more powerful lesson to learn than that of obedience.”  We need to heed the Lord’s commandment to have faith because if we don’t it will hinder our acceptance of all other aspects of this great gospel.  Elder Pearson taught, “If we desire more faith, we must be more obedient. When we teach our children by example or precept to be casual or situational in obeying God’s commandments, we prevent them from receiving this vital spiritual gift. Faith requires an attitude of exact obedience, even in the small, simple things.”  

Stephen Robinson continues, “If we believe only in Christ without believing Christ, then we are like people sitting in cold, dark houses surrounded by unused lamps and heater, people who believe in electricity but who never throw the switch to turn on the power.  People like this often pretend to themselves and to others that merely believing in electricity makes them warm and gives them light, but they still shiver in the dark unless they turn on the power.  Though the appliances may all work and the wiring may be in good order, until we accept the power itself, beyond merely believing in the theory of power, we cannot enjoy the warmth and the light.  This is why genuine faith in Christ – active acceptance of his power and not just passive belief in his identity – is and must be the very first principle of the gospel.  No matter how much of the gospel one learns or even believes as a theory, until we accept the reality of our own salvation, we have not yet turned on the power” (pg 12). 

We must make the decision today to believe Christ and take action in the right path.  “When we have faith in Christ, we accept and apply His Atonement and His teachings” (Preach My Gospel, page 61, emphasis added).  When we are faced with these moments, moments where we need to choose which direction we want our lives to go in, we can literally have our lives changed.  As you study about faith and apply its principles remember this counsel by Elder Pearson:

 “We do have a choice. We get what we focus on consistently. Because there is an opposition in all things, there are forces that erode our faith. Some are the result of Satan’s direct influence. But for others, we have no one but ourselves to blame. These stem from personal tendencies, attitudes, and habits we can learn to change. I will refer to these influences as the “Six Destructive Ds.”

First is doubt. Doubt is not a principle of the gospel. It does not come from the Light of Christ or the influence of the Holy Ghost. Doubt is a negative emotion related to fear. It comes from a lack of confidence in one’s self or abilities. It is inconsistent with our divine identity as children of God.

Doubt leads to discouragement. Discouragement comes from missed expectations. Chronic discouragement leads to lower expectations, decreased effort, weakened desire, and greater difficulty feeling and following the Spirit (see Preach My Gospel [2004], 10). Discouragement and despair are the very antithesis of faith.

Discouragement leads to distraction, a lack of focus. Distraction eliminates the very focus the eye of faith requires. Discouragement and distraction are two of Satan’s most effective tools, but they are also bad habits.

Distraction leads to a lack of diligence, a reduced commitment to remain true and faithful and to carry on through despite hardship and disappointment. Disappointment is an inevitable part of life, but it need not lead to doubt, discouragement, distraction, or lack of diligence.

If not reversed, this path ultimately leads to disobedience, which undermines the very basis of faith. So often the result is disbelief, the conscious or unconscious refusal to believe.

The scriptures describe disbelief as the state of having chosen to harden one’s heart. It is to be past feeling.

These Six Destructive Ds—doubt, discouragement, distraction, lack of diligence, disobedience, and disbelief—all erode and destroy our faith. We can choose to avoid and overcome them” (Elder Pearson). 

 If you find that any of those “Destructive Ds” are creeping their way into your heart - stop them!  They will not help you in your quest to finding more faith in your Savior.  Remember, President Hinkley said, “Always question.  Never doubt.”  Having questions about this gospel or any of its principles does not mean that you don’t have faith.  In fact, asking those questions, especially if you are getting on your knees and asking God about them, is showing great faith!  We will not get answers if we do not ask.  Find the courage to commence battle with the fears, trials, and heartaches in your life.  You will be blessed with “hidden treasures of knowledge” and light as you use your faith in Christ to seek out those truths. 

Remember it is important to believe in Christ but it is empowering to believe Him.  He has personally promised you that He can make you a perfect and celestial being.  Believe Him. 

Additional Resources

lds.org definition of faith:  https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bd/faith

Preach My Gospel:  https://www.lds.org/manual/preach-my-gospel-a-guide-to-missionary-service/lesson-3-the-gospel-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng

"Faith without works is dead"  James 2:20 https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/james/2.20?lang=eng

Talks

Elder Pearson "Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ"  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/faith-in-the-lord-jesus-christ?lang=eng&query=faith

Elder Russel M Nelson "Face the Future with Faith" https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/face-the-future-with-faith?lang=eng

Elder Edgley "Faith -- The Choice is Yours" https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/faith-the-choice-is-yours?lang=eng&query=faith

President Gordon B Hinkley "The Miracle of Faith" https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2001/04/the-miracle-of-faith?lang=eng&query=faith

Books

Stephen E Robison "Believing Christ" 

Elder Tad R Callister "The Infinite Atonement" 

Videos

Elder Richard G Scott "The Transforming Power of Faith and Character" https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2010-10-2080-elder-richard-g-scott?lang=eng

Fear

Fear.  I am well acquainted with it.  In fact, at times it has been my best friend.  It comforted me in times of uncertainty and became my safety net when I didn't want to do new things.  It was my excuse, my reason, and my logic.  It poisoned every thought and was the puppeteer of my every action.   For a time it became my life. 

Since the first moment I met Emmett he has been my good friend.  I was always asking his opinion especially when it came to boys and relationships.  He usually had great advice to ponder and a good way to keep my girlish dramas limited.  Since the time they got married, granted I was only 16 years old, but still, Emmett and Ashlee begged me to hurry up and graduate high school and get married so we could all be best friends.  They were halfway joking, but serious at the same time.  In my eyes the three of us were already best friends.  They liked having me around but I think they felt bad for me that I was always the third wheel.  They were my biggest supporters and the best ones to celebrate with when I finally did get at date.  They were the couple I wanted to become.  I looked up to Emmett and wanted to find someone like him to be my future husband.  They seemed to have it all and I wanted to find that happiness, too! 

If you have read my sister’s blog you are already aware of the heart break Emmett caused to so many.  In no way would I ever, or will I ever, try to compare my struggles with the ones that my sister had to endure.  I know that the things I went through are a fraction of the heart ache and devastation when compared to that of what my sister had to bear.  But, I can only speak through my own personal experiences - that is all I have.  If an earthquake strikes a specific area there is of course severe damage caused there, but the power and influence can be felt miles away.  I felt those shock waves.  I felt betrayal, anger, despair, and fear.  I felt it so much for my sister but I also felt it for myself and my future. 

Fear always knows when to creep its way into our lives.  Those moments of vulnerability and weakness are the perfect target.  For me, fear came in like a tidal wave.  It was embedded deep in my heart and at the time it felt like it was always going to remain there.  I liked some of the aspects of fear.  It made it easy for me to have excuses of why I was acting a certain way or why I “couldn't” do something. 

The summer after Emmett died became my most powerful experience with my “dear friend”, fear.  I was supposed to be living those carefree college years and single-hood life by dating and having fun.  Instead, I was overwhelmed with anxiety and panic anytime I was around men.  I didn't like them and I didn't want them to like me.  I was “so unhappy, but safe as could be” (lyrics by Leona Lewis).  I have found fear to be a very comfortable but debilitating crutch. 

Fear is one of Satan’s most powerful tools.  If he can make us too afraid of something then he doesn't have to work hard at keeping us from trying it.  It makes complete sense; if I am afraid of men then he doesn't have to work hard at keeping me away from creating an eternal family.  If I am afraid of change then he doesn't have to work hard at keeping me away from making covenants in the Lord's temple because I won’t take the necessary steps to get there anyway.  If I am afraid of letting myself be happy because I don’t think I deserve it then Satan doesn't have to work hard at keeping us away from turning to Jesus Christ and becoming free through His Atonement.  See, it is a powerful tool. 

We know that fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts but what does that really mean?  It means, when we chose to give in to our fears we are not choosing God.  “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear.”

When we choose fear over faith we are trampling under our feet the very gift that brought Christ lower than anything has ever gone; ironically it is the only thing that can bring us higher than we can even imagine.  Why do we do this?  Why do we let this infinite gift go to waste?  Fear.

The definition of fear on lds.org: “to fear man, mortal dangers, pain, and evil; to be afraid of such things and to dread them”.  All of those things are real.  They are ever present in our world today but none of them need to be the reasons for holding us back from becoming something great.  We do not have to be overcome by these lies of fear.  Elder Nelson, of The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said, “Each individual will make his or her way in a constantly changing world—a world of competing ideologies. The forces of evil will ever be in opposition to the forces of good. Satan constantly strives to influence us to follow his ways and make us miserable; even as he is…We live in a time of turmoil. Earthquakes and tsunamis wreak devastation, governments collapse, economic stresses are severe, the family is under attack, and divorce rates are rising. We have great cause for concern. But we do not need to let our fears displace our faith. We can combat those fears by strengthening our faith.” 

Fear can be overcome through faith in our Savior Jesus Christ.  It happened that way for me.  After months of feeling weighed down by this heavy false-belief I found a new light.  The Lord helped me find a new motto, “So what?”  All of those fears I had, so what?  So, what if I give my heart to someone and they give it back?  So, what if my future husband cheats on me?  So, what if my future husband dies? So, what if all of my fears come true?  I could get through it.  I just watched my sister do it and the Lord didn't abandon her.  In fact, she is stronger than ever.  The Lord helped me realize that no matter what happened He would be there.  It doesn't matter if it is scary – it could happen and if it does He will be there to help you through it. 

My theme song for that summer was “Happy” by Leona Lewis.  It sums up almost exactly what I was feeling.  The song is about not being afraid of things that could hurt but just live and try to be happy.  That is a poetic way of saying, “Live with faith; not fear!”

Happy by Leona Lewis
Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances
Might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I can't stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me out of here
I can't stand by your side, oh no
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by

So any turns that I can't see,
like I'm a stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me

I just wanna be happy

I rocked out to this song almost every single day that summer.  It helped remind me of what the Lord had taught me on that bright and hopeful day.  I still find myself getting strength from that song even now.  If you take the two mottos that Ashlee and I have posted in the last 2 days and put them together you get, “So what?  Who cares?”  It is a pretty great motto to live by.  The Lord doesn't want us to live in fear.  Have faith in Him.  Have faith in the things He has already taught you and the things He continues to teach you each and every day.  Have faith that He will be there for you no matter what. 

“Unfailing faith is fortified through prayer. Your heartfelt pleadings are important to Him. Think of the intense and impassioned prayers of the Prophet Joseph Smith during his dreadful days of incarceration in Liberty Jail. The Lord responded by changing the Prophet’s perspective. He said, “Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good’ “(Elder Nelson). 

If I would have let my fears control my life I wouldn't have been able to receive the great blessings that the Lord had in store for me and my happy future.  The same can be for you.  Let go of your fears and turn your heart to the Lord.  There is so much more happiness waiting for you!

Further Study:

Scriptures

God hath not given us the spirit of fear: https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/2-tim/1?lang=eng

Conference Talks

Elder Nelson - Face the Future with Faith: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/face-the-future-with-faith?lang=eng

President Hinkley - God Hath Not Given Us the Spirit of Fear: https://www.lds.org/ensign/1984/10/god-hath-not-given-us-the-spirit-of-fear?lang=eng

 Elder Cook - Live by Faith and Not by Fear: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/live-by-faith-and-not-by-fear?lang=eng

Elder Richards - The Atonement Covers All Pain:  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/the-atonement-covers-all-pain?lang=eng

Agency

This post is dedicated to answering the question, “What is agency?”  It has been one of the biggest questions Ashlee has received from followers of her blog. 

The basic definition of Agency is: The gift God has given us to choose.  It is the ability and privilege Heavenly Father gives us to choose and to act for ourselves. Agency is essential in the plan of salvation.  (Remember, you must understand what the plan of salvation is, the part you play, and the consequences involved in having this ability to choose).  Without agency, we would not be able to learn or progress or follow the Savior.  This is so important to understand.  God does not make choices for us.  He will not.  It is contrary to the plan that we all agreed upon in the pre-earth life.  If God were to take away our agency He would cease to be God (and He will not do that!).  This is an eternal gift He has given us.

“Agency is a spiritual matter. Without awareness of alternatives, you could not choose. Agency is so important in your lives that you not only can choose obedience or rebellion, but you must. During this life you cannot remain on neutral ground; you cannot abstain from either receiving or rejecting the light from God” (Uchtdorf).  Heavenly Father has given us this responsibility.  “Agency allows us to be tested and tried to see whether or not we will endure to the end and return to our Heavenly Father with honor. … Agency permits us to make faithful, obedient choices that strengthen us so that we can lift and strengthen others” (Robert D. Hales).

You may feel overwhelmed knowing that all the responsibility and burden lies on your shoulders.  This is a serious matter.  We cannot let take lightly.  However, as we come to understand and recognize the priceless gift of the atonement of Jesus Christ, our burdens will be lifted; not because we have a free ride with Him, but because we will come to see the joy of experiencing, learning, repenting, and feeling the freedom of forgiveness through His atonement.  “You have agency, and you are free to choose. But there is actually no free agency. Agency has its price. You have to pay the consequences of your choices” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf).  “Unfortunately, some of our poor choices are irreversible, but many are not. Often we can change course and get back on the right track. Getting back on the right track may involve the principles of repentance: first, recognizing the error of our ways; second, forsaking the wrongful conduct; third, never repeating it; and, fourth, confessing 3 and making restitution where possible. Learning by experience has value, but the “school of hard knocks” is deserving of its name” (James E. Faust)  We will fall but we have a way to rise up again. 

A recent post from Ashlee was titled “Gravity".  Therein, she talked about its constant and sure power.  Her perspective during those dark moments that gravity was pulling her down and combined with the evil powers swirling around they had brought her lower than she ever thought possible.

You may have a few different perspectives about the power of gravity through your own experiences:
      1.) It brings or holds you down

2.) It keeps you securely on this earth

3.) It, combined with another force, can lift you higher than you could go on your own

That last one may have surprised you.  Instead of using my own words I will quote from one of my favorite apostles, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf who was a pilot for many years.  He says, “In aerodynamics, gravity and drag work in opposition to lift. This same important principle has been an integral part of the plan of salvation from the beginning. As Lehi explained, “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things” (2 Ne. 2:11; emphasis added).

How does that even make sense?  Gravity lifts you up?  Not alone, but when it is paired with drag it can take you soaring.  This is the same with our lives; we may feel lower than we ever thought possible but when we pair those experiences with the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ we can be lifted up into a beautiful and bright sunrise.   

“Human agency was purchased with the price of Christ’s suffering. The power of Christ’s Atonement overcomes the effect of sin on the condition of wholehearted repentance. Through and by the Savior’s universal and infinite Atonement, all have been redeemed from the Fall and have become free forever to act for themselves (2 Ne. 2:26).  By learning to use the gift of agency to make right decisions, you will increase your spiritual lift and altitude" (Uchtdorf).

(Christ is the Garden of Gethsemane)

Watch a short video about this experience at 

https://www.lds.org/bible-videos/videos/the-savior-suffers-in-gethsemane?lang=eng 

        What a beautiful thought!  We have this gift, it will not be taken away, and with it we can choose the life we want to have.  We can choose!  One reason Ashlee emphasizes the word “victim” in many of her statements is because she doesn’t like that title that others have given to her.  She does not want to be a victim; she is not a victim.  Yes, other people used their agency to make horrible choices, choices that forever changed many lives including, and most especially, hers.  But, that does not mean that excuses can be made.  She still has her agency to choose to do and be good.  That is the same for you and me.  We have the choice.  We will always have the choice.  Bad things, hard things, and just plain stupid things will happen to us in this life but we have the ability to choose what to do with them.  I promise you that if you turn to the Savior in those heavy moments he will lift you up.  You will find the freedom you are seeking.  Choose Him. 

Further study material

President Uchtdorf's talk: https://www.lds.org/liahona/2006/07/on-the-wings-of-eagles?lang=eng
President Faust's talk: https://www.lds.org/liahona/2004/05/choices?lang=eng
Elder Hale's talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/04/to-act-for-ourselves-the-gift-and-blessings-of-agency?lang=eng
Agency: https://www.lds.org/topics/agency?lang=eng

Scriptures on agency: https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/agency 

• Satan sought to destroy the agency of man: Moses 4:3
• The Lord gave unto man his agency: Moses 7:32
• A third part of the hosts of heaven turned he away because of their agency: D&C 29:36
• Ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves: Hel. 14:30
• Men are free according to the flesh: 2 Nephi 2:27