Fear

Fear.  I am well acquainted with it.  In fact, at times it has been my best friend.  It comforted me in times of uncertainty and became my safety net when I didn't want to do new things.  It was my excuse, my reason, and my logic.  It poisoned every thought and was the puppeteer of my every action.   For a time it became my life. 

Since the first moment I met Emmett he has been my good friend.  I was always asking his opinion especially when it came to boys and relationships.  He usually had great advice to ponder and a good way to keep my girlish dramas limited.  Since the time they got married, granted I was only 16 years old, but still, Emmett and Ashlee begged me to hurry up and graduate high school and get married so we could all be best friends.  They were halfway joking, but serious at the same time.  In my eyes the three of us were already best friends.  They liked having me around but I think they felt bad for me that I was always the third wheel.  They were my biggest supporters and the best ones to celebrate with when I finally did get at date.  They were the couple I wanted to become.  I looked up to Emmett and wanted to find someone like him to be my future husband.  They seemed to have it all and I wanted to find that happiness, too! 

If you have read my sister’s blog you are already aware of the heart break Emmett caused to so many.  In no way would I ever, or will I ever, try to compare my struggles with the ones that my sister had to endure.  I know that the things I went through are a fraction of the heart ache and devastation when compared to that of what my sister had to bear.  But, I can only speak through my own personal experiences - that is all I have.  If an earthquake strikes a specific area there is of course severe damage caused there, but the power and influence can be felt miles away.  I felt those shock waves.  I felt betrayal, anger, despair, and fear.  I felt it so much for my sister but I also felt it for myself and my future. 

Fear always knows when to creep its way into our lives.  Those moments of vulnerability and weakness are the perfect target.  For me, fear came in like a tidal wave.  It was embedded deep in my heart and at the time it felt like it was always going to remain there.  I liked some of the aspects of fear.  It made it easy for me to have excuses of why I was acting a certain way or why I “couldn't” do something. 

The summer after Emmett died became my most powerful experience with my “dear friend”, fear.  I was supposed to be living those carefree college years and single-hood life by dating and having fun.  Instead, I was overwhelmed with anxiety and panic anytime I was around men.  I didn't like them and I didn't want them to like me.  I was “so unhappy, but safe as could be” (lyrics by Leona Lewis).  I have found fear to be a very comfortable but debilitating crutch. 

Fear is one of Satan’s most powerful tools.  If he can make us too afraid of something then he doesn't have to work hard at keeping us from trying it.  It makes complete sense; if I am afraid of men then he doesn't have to work hard at keeping me away from creating an eternal family.  If I am afraid of change then he doesn't have to work hard at keeping me away from making covenants in the Lord's temple because I won’t take the necessary steps to get there anyway.  If I am afraid of letting myself be happy because I don’t think I deserve it then Satan doesn't have to work hard at keeping us away from turning to Jesus Christ and becoming free through His Atonement.  See, it is a powerful tool. 

We know that fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts but what does that really mean?  It means, when we chose to give in to our fears we are not choosing God.  “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear.”

When we choose fear over faith we are trampling under our feet the very gift that brought Christ lower than anything has ever gone; ironically it is the only thing that can bring us higher than we can even imagine.  Why do we do this?  Why do we let this infinite gift go to waste?  Fear.

The definition of fear on lds.org: “to fear man, mortal dangers, pain, and evil; to be afraid of such things and to dread them”.  All of those things are real.  They are ever present in our world today but none of them need to be the reasons for holding us back from becoming something great.  We do not have to be overcome by these lies of fear.  Elder Nelson, of The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said, “Each individual will make his or her way in a constantly changing world—a world of competing ideologies. The forces of evil will ever be in opposition to the forces of good. Satan constantly strives to influence us to follow his ways and make us miserable; even as he is…We live in a time of turmoil. Earthquakes and tsunamis wreak devastation, governments collapse, economic stresses are severe, the family is under attack, and divorce rates are rising. We have great cause for concern. But we do not need to let our fears displace our faith. We can combat those fears by strengthening our faith.” 

Fear can be overcome through faith in our Savior Jesus Christ.  It happened that way for me.  After months of feeling weighed down by this heavy false-belief I found a new light.  The Lord helped me find a new motto, “So what?”  All of those fears I had, so what?  So, what if I give my heart to someone and they give it back?  So, what if my future husband cheats on me?  So, what if my future husband dies? So, what if all of my fears come true?  I could get through it.  I just watched my sister do it and the Lord didn't abandon her.  In fact, she is stronger than ever.  The Lord helped me realize that no matter what happened He would be there.  It doesn't matter if it is scary – it could happen and if it does He will be there to help you through it. 

My theme song for that summer was “Happy” by Leona Lewis.  It sums up almost exactly what I was feeling.  The song is about not being afraid of things that could hurt but just live and try to be happy.  That is a poetic way of saying, “Live with faith; not fear!”

Happy by Leona Lewis
Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances
Might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I can't stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me out of here
I can't stand by your side, oh no
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by

So any turns that I can't see,
like I'm a stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me

I just wanna be happy

I rocked out to this song almost every single day that summer.  It helped remind me of what the Lord had taught me on that bright and hopeful day.  I still find myself getting strength from that song even now.  If you take the two mottos that Ashlee and I have posted in the last 2 days and put them together you get, “So what?  Who cares?”  It is a pretty great motto to live by.  The Lord doesn't want us to live in fear.  Have faith in Him.  Have faith in the things He has already taught you and the things He continues to teach you each and every day.  Have faith that He will be there for you no matter what. 

“Unfailing faith is fortified through prayer. Your heartfelt pleadings are important to Him. Think of the intense and impassioned prayers of the Prophet Joseph Smith during his dreadful days of incarceration in Liberty Jail. The Lord responded by changing the Prophet’s perspective. He said, “Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good’ “(Elder Nelson). 

If I would have let my fears control my life I wouldn't have been able to receive the great blessings that the Lord had in store for me and my happy future.  The same can be for you.  Let go of your fears and turn your heart to the Lord.  There is so much more happiness waiting for you!

Further Study:

Scriptures

God hath not given us the spirit of fear: https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/2-tim/1?lang=eng

Conference Talks

Elder Nelson - Face the Future with Faith: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/face-the-future-with-faith?lang=eng

President Hinkley - God Hath Not Given Us the Spirit of Fear: https://www.lds.org/ensign/1984/10/god-hath-not-given-us-the-spirit-of-fear?lang=eng

 Elder Cook - Live by Faith and Not by Fear: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2007/10/live-by-faith-and-not-by-fear?lang=eng

Elder Richards - The Atonement Covers All Pain:  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/the-atonement-covers-all-pain?lang=eng

Agency

This post is dedicated to answering the question, “What is agency?”  It has been one of the biggest questions Ashlee has received from followers of her blog. 

The basic definition of Agency is: The gift God has given us to choose.  It is the ability and privilege Heavenly Father gives us to choose and to act for ourselves. Agency is essential in the plan of salvation.  (Remember, you must understand what the plan of salvation is, the part you play, and the consequences involved in having this ability to choose).  Without agency, we would not be able to learn or progress or follow the Savior.  This is so important to understand.  God does not make choices for us.  He will not.  It is contrary to the plan that we all agreed upon in the pre-earth life.  If God were to take away our agency He would cease to be God (and He will not do that!).  This is an eternal gift He has given us.

“Agency is a spiritual matter. Without awareness of alternatives, you could not choose. Agency is so important in your lives that you not only can choose obedience or rebellion, but you must. During this life you cannot remain on neutral ground; you cannot abstain from either receiving or rejecting the light from God” (Uchtdorf).  Heavenly Father has given us this responsibility.  “Agency allows us to be tested and tried to see whether or not we will endure to the end and return to our Heavenly Father with honor. … Agency permits us to make faithful, obedient choices that strengthen us so that we can lift and strengthen others” (Robert D. Hales).

You may feel overwhelmed knowing that all the responsibility and burden lies on your shoulders.  This is a serious matter.  We cannot let take lightly.  However, as we come to understand and recognize the priceless gift of the atonement of Jesus Christ, our burdens will be lifted; not because we have a free ride with Him, but because we will come to see the joy of experiencing, learning, repenting, and feeling the freedom of forgiveness through His atonement.  “You have agency, and you are free to choose. But there is actually no free agency. Agency has its price. You have to pay the consequences of your choices” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf).  “Unfortunately, some of our poor choices are irreversible, but many are not. Often we can change course and get back on the right track. Getting back on the right track may involve the principles of repentance: first, recognizing the error of our ways; second, forsaking the wrongful conduct; third, never repeating it; and, fourth, confessing 3 and making restitution where possible. Learning by experience has value, but the “school of hard knocks” is deserving of its name” (James E. Faust)  We will fall but we have a way to rise up again. 

A recent post from Ashlee was titled “Gravity".  Therein, she talked about its constant and sure power.  Her perspective during those dark moments that gravity was pulling her down and combined with the evil powers swirling around they had brought her lower than she ever thought possible.

You may have a few different perspectives about the power of gravity through your own experiences:
      1.) It brings or holds you down

2.) It keeps you securely on this earth

3.) It, combined with another force, can lift you higher than you could go on your own

That last one may have surprised you.  Instead of using my own words I will quote from one of my favorite apostles, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf who was a pilot for many years.  He says, “In aerodynamics, gravity and drag work in opposition to lift. This same important principle has been an integral part of the plan of salvation from the beginning. As Lehi explained, “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things” (2 Ne. 2:11; emphasis added).

How does that even make sense?  Gravity lifts you up?  Not alone, but when it is paired with drag it can take you soaring.  This is the same with our lives; we may feel lower than we ever thought possible but when we pair those experiences with the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ we can be lifted up into a beautiful and bright sunrise.   

“Human agency was purchased with the price of Christ’s suffering. The power of Christ’s Atonement overcomes the effect of sin on the condition of wholehearted repentance. Through and by the Savior’s universal and infinite Atonement, all have been redeemed from the Fall and have become free forever to act for themselves (2 Ne. 2:26).  By learning to use the gift of agency to make right decisions, you will increase your spiritual lift and altitude" (Uchtdorf).

(Christ is the Garden of Gethsemane)

Watch a short video about this experience at 

https://www.lds.org/bible-videos/videos/the-savior-suffers-in-gethsemane?lang=eng 

        What a beautiful thought!  We have this gift, it will not be taken away, and with it we can choose the life we want to have.  We can choose!  One reason Ashlee emphasizes the word “victim” in many of her statements is because she doesn’t like that title that others have given to her.  She does not want to be a victim; she is not a victim.  Yes, other people used their agency to make horrible choices, choices that forever changed many lives including, and most especially, hers.  But, that does not mean that excuses can be made.  She still has her agency to choose to do and be good.  That is the same for you and me.  We have the choice.  We will always have the choice.  Bad things, hard things, and just plain stupid things will happen to us in this life but we have the ability to choose what to do with them.  I promise you that if you turn to the Savior in those heavy moments he will lift you up.  You will find the freedom you are seeking.  Choose Him. 

Further study material

President Uchtdorf's talk: https://www.lds.org/liahona/2006/07/on-the-wings-of-eagles?lang=eng
President Faust's talk: https://www.lds.org/liahona/2004/05/choices?lang=eng
Elder Hale's talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/04/to-act-for-ourselves-the-gift-and-blessings-of-agency?lang=eng
Agency: https://www.lds.org/topics/agency?lang=eng

Scriptures on agency: https://www.lds.org/scriptures/gs/agency 

• Satan sought to destroy the agency of man: Moses 4:3
• The Lord gave unto man his agency: Moses 7:32
• A third part of the hosts of heaven turned he away because of their agency: D&C 29:36
• Ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves: Hel. 14:30
• Men are free according to the flesh: 2 Nephi 2:27

The Basics

I am so grateful for this opportunity I have to share some of our basic beliefs with you.  I know them to be true.  My purpose in creating this blog is to share how I know these doctrines to be true through personal experience.  As I post in the future to answer questions being sent to Ashlee, you need to have this foundation of the basics to better understand and accept more complex questions about other doctrines.  This is just an overview of some of the basic doctrines.  The link, at the bottom of the post, guides you to lds.org where you can search in greater detail for answers to your questions.

• We are sons and daughters of a loving Heavenly Father

God is our Heavenly Father.  We are His children.  He loves us.  He weeps with us when we are sad and rejoices with us during our times of happiness.  He knows each of us and cares about our lives.  We are not forgotten or lost in His eyes; He sees each tear and feels each pain.  His love for us is eternal and no matter what we choose do in this life, whether good or bad, His love for us never changes.  

• God has a plan for us

His plan is called "The Plan of Salvation" or "The Plan of Happiness".  We lived with Him before we were born and He desires us to return to live with Him again.  This earth life is a time for us to prepare to become more like Him.  He wants our lives to be filled with joy, but he doesn't take away our agency (the freedom to chose) and allows us to go through difficult things to help us become stronger.  However, He has given us so many tools to use through those hard trials and the greatest blessing He has given us is His son, Jesus Christ. 

• Christ is the center of that plan    

God sent His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, into the world so that all of God’s children would have the possibility of returning to live in His presence after they die. Only through the Savior’s grace and mercy can we become clean from sin so that we can live in our Heavenly Father’s presence.  His sacrifice in the Garden of Gethsemane, his death on the cross, and his glorious resurrection are called the Atonement.  Through Christ's atonement we are given the ability to overcome all things.  Our part is to have faith, repent, be baptized, receive the gift of the Holy Ghost, and endure to the end.  All things are made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. 

You can know these truths for yourself.  We invite you to kneel down and pray to your Heavenly Father.  Prayer is simple.  You do not have to memorize a prayer or have poetic words to pray.  This is the basic structure of prayer:

1. Begin by saying "Dear Heavenly Father"

2. Thank Him for the blessing you have been given

3. Ask Him to answer questions, help you with things that are troubling you, or to bless others

4. Close, "In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."  

He wants to hear from you and he wants to answer your prayers.  Find the courage to ask.  

LDS.org 

https://www.lds.org/manual/preach-my-gospel-a-guide-to-missionary-service?lang=eng