Wednesday, April 30, 2014

They are forgiven. And they forgive.


Lost No More

“How can I let go of the pain my spouse has caused me as we try to keep fighting for our marriage?”  “How can I separate worth of a person from their actions/performance?"  “How can still love someone when he/she chooses bad choices?”

I am sure many of you have asked those questions before and the rest of you who have read Ashlee's blog are thinking, "How did Ashlee find her answers to those questions?"  The answer is simple but finding it out for yourself can be a shockingly beautiful experience. 

I read somewhere that most members of the church can tell you the peripherals of the gospel; things like tithing, food storage, genealogy; but a lot of us can’t explain the foundational doctrines.  We sometimes get caught up in the “dos and don’ts” that we miss some of the most important aspects of this glorious plan;  things like repentance and forgiveness. 

I have fallen victim to this trap.  I have been surrounded by this church my whole life.  I even went on an 18 month full-time mission and taught at the Missionary Training Center after my return.  I thought I was well versed in the gospel.  Not that I believed myself to be an expert but I thought I had gone through so many great experiences that I could give you the ins and outs.  I was wrong.  I knew the gospel but I didn’t really know it – meaning I hadn’t yet been humbled to my knees to clearly understand what repentance and forgiveness meant.  

 There was a time when I questioned Christ and His power to forgive.  How stupid of me!  I was questioning my Savior?  I thought that someone was passed the point of His atonement’s reaching arms?  Without question, I had some very humbling experiences to bring me back to reality on this point.

The summer of 2011, after reaching the point of letting go of my fear and having an attitude of “so what?” I began to date…a little.  One of the guys I started to date told me about some choices he had made in the past; choices that were not in line with the standards we were living now.  My first reaction was shock because this man in front of me was nothing like that man he was explaining from his past.  My next reaction, a few days later after the shock wore off, was doubt.  I doubted everything about him.  I looked at the decisions of his past with the thoughts to myself like, “You never did any of those things.  You deserve someone who has lived a righteous life like you have.  You are better than him.  You deserve someone as righteous as you.”

It’s embarrassing now to admit this now, but it’s true.  I was that self righteous. 

Because of the “anguish” I was experiencing having this debate in my head I decided to meet with my bishop (I hope you all read that with the sarcasm I was intending it to have).  I wanted to get his stamp of approval that I was making the right choice in moving on and choosing someone “better” or "more worthy of me".  Instead of finding a friend in my corner this bishop put me in my place.  After telling him the situation and asking for his advice this is what his reply, “Sounds to me like you are very prideful."  I was shocked and little ticked off.  Come on.  I was here to find justification not to be humbled.  He continued with this story, "If a diamond disobeys the order of its maker and jumps out of its box to roll around in the mud for bit but then turns to the maker to get cleaned up again, does that make the diamond less valuable?”  “No,” I replied.  “So, do you believe that the Ultimate Creator has the power to clean us up?” 

That is the golden question folks!  This bishop literally changed my entire life.  Through the rest of our discussion I came to realize that I was the one who was not worthy of him (the guy, not Christ).  He had already turned to Christ and became clean through His atonement while I, on the other hand, had built a wall so high around the atonement that I found myself on the outside.  I didn’t want to be on the outside!  I wanted to be within the boundaries so that the atonement could reach me so that I could be forgiven, too.  The changes I then decided to make have forever changed the course of my life.


I promise you that if you turn to the Savior all can be forgiven.  You, me, your husband, your wife, your children, your parents, your siblings, your friends.  All.  I know that Christ lives.  I know that His power is real because I have felt it and I have seen it.  I know that I can be forgiven and I know that I can forgive; not because I am an amazing person but because I know that with Christ's help I can do anything.  

 “Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive” (Elder Uchtodof)

Some amazing quotes on repentance and forgiveness:


  1. Elder Anderson in the November 2009 Ensign said, “Repentance always means that there is greater happiness ahead.”  It is so true.  When we repent and feel the forgiveness of our maker there is no greater blessing that can come in this world.  If some are still questioning their ability to forgive another just remember that if you begin to build walls around the atonement you may find yourself on the outside like I did.  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/repent-that-i-may-heal-you?lang=eng
  2.  “As we repent, our view of ourselves and the world changes.  As we change, we recognize that we are children of God and that we need not continue making the same mistake s over and over.  If we sincerely repent, we turn away from sins and do them no more.  We resist any desire to commit sin.  Or desire to follow God grows stronger and deeper.”  https://www.lds.org/manual/preach-my-gospel-a-guide-to-missionary-service/lesson-3-the-gospel-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng 
  3. 1 Nephi 3:7 says, “..[The] Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men save he shall prepare a way for them that they many accomplish [it].”  https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/3.7?lang=eng 
  4.   Why do I need to forgive others?  In order to receive forgiveness for our sins, we need to forgive others. Forgiving others allows us to overcome feelings of anger, bitterness, or revenge. Forgiveness can heal spiritual wounds and bring the peace and love that only God can give. https://www.lds.org/youth/learn/ap/atonement/forgive?lang=eng 
  5. “A person’s ability to forgive is in proportion to the greatness of his soul. Little men cannot forgive.” “Tell them,” said a beloved associate, “tell them to learn to forgive.” One thing to remember—in marriage, in the family, in all relationships of life—we are always dealing with imperfect people, including ourselves. And it isn’t fair to expect perfection in others when we can’t offer it ourselves. Life moves one way. We can’t go back. But we can go forever forward: improving, repenting, understanding, forgiving others—even forgiving ourselves—not justifying our faults, not saying that the wrong we do is right, but not defeating our own future, forever unforgiving or unforgiven. https://www.lds.org/new-era/1971/03/the-spoken-word/the-spoken-word?lang=eng&query=forgiving+other 
  6. We have no control over other’s actions.  We only have the ability to encourage, persuade, and show by example when it comes to effecting other’s decisions.  Control is not, and has never been, part of God’s plan.  If we are unhappy or feel wronged by someone else’s actions than we need to: 

1.      Communicate our feelings without anger, vengeance, or manipulation
2.      Allow the other person to process
3.      Have “Godlike” expectations (meaning: we can’t express our feelings with a specific result or reaction in mind (that’s called manipulation).  Be honest and let the other person react in the way they feel is appropriate.  This, in a way, is having “low expectations” but also keeping the Lord in mind when you react to their reaction)
4.      Listen to the other person’s feelings and intentions on the matter.  Try to see them through the Savior’s eyes
5.      Keep the Spirit with you.  Always!
6.      Apologize for any wrong you might have played in the situation
7.      Repent of those wrong choices
8.      Continue to stay close to the Lord.  Don't allow Satan to tempt you with feelings of justification, validation for bad thoughts/words/actions, and revenge.  He will try but you can win with the Lord on your side. 

These steps won’t be perfect; you may have to do them over and over and over.  It’s a process not a checklist.  Try to become happy and comfortable with the process.  We can still find happiness even when we don’t feel like trying that day.  The Lord is eager to bless us.  

7.  "Why should we forgive others? (D&C 64:9–10.)  How can it be a greater sin to refuse to forgive someone? (When we refuse to forgive others, we can become filled with anger, hate, and a desire for revenge. These feelings can cause us to lose the companionship of the Holy Ghost and make it more difficult for us to live other gospel principles. Also, when we do not forgive someone, it can make it more difficult for that person to complete his or her own repentance process.)"

"But when it comes to our own prejudices and grievances, we too often justify our anger as righteous and our judgment as reliable and only appropriate. Though we cannot look into another’s heart, we assume that we know a bad motive or even a bad person when we see one. We make exceptions when it comes to our own bitterness because we feel that, in our case, we have all the information we need to hold someone else in contempt.

Because we all depend on the mercy of God, how can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven?

Is this difficult to do?
Yes, of course.
Forgiving ourselves and others is not easy. In fact, for most of us it requires a major change in our attitude and way of thinking—even a change of heart. But there is good news. This “mighty change”8 of heart is exactly what the gospel of Jesus Christ is designed to bring into our lives.
How is it done? Through the love of God.
Brothers and sisters, there is enough heartache and sorrow in this life without our adding to it through our own stubbornness, bitterness, and resentment.
We are not perfect.
The people around us are not perfect.19 People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger. In this mortal life it will always be that way.
Nevertheless, we must let go of our grievances. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things. That is the Lord’s way.
Remember, heaven is filled with those who have this in common: They are forgiven. And they forgive.
Lay your burden at the Savior’s feet. Let go of judgment. Allow Christ’s Atonement to change and heal your heart. Love one another. Forgive one another.
The merciful will obtain mercy."

Scriptures:
Matthew 5:44D&C 64:9–11 (We are commanded to forgive everyone)
Matthew 6:14–1518:21–35 or the video “Forgive 70 Times 7” (To receive forgiveness, we must forgive others)
Luke 23:34 (Jesus Christ forgave those who crucified Him)
Gordon B. Hinckley, “Forgiveness,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2005, 81–84
Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Merciful Obtain Mercy,” Ensign orLiahona, May 2012,

MOVIE CLIP:  My Burden Was Made Light  https://www.lds.org/youth/learn/ap/atonement/forgive?lang=eng#video=forgiveness-my-burden-was-made-light

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Believing Christ

“Faith and fear cannot coexist. One gives way to the other. The simple fact is we all need to constantly build faith and overcome sources of destructive disbelief” (Elder Pearson).
I promise that your life will be better in every way when you begin your journey down the path of faith in Jesus Christ. 

“Faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true (Heb. 11:1Alma 32:21), and must be centered in Jesus Christ to produce salvation.”  There are many things in the gospel that we need to develop faith in, but most importantly we must have our faith centered on the Savior. 

Preach My Gospel tells us that “having faith in Christ includes having a firm belief that He is the Only Begotten Son of God AND the Savior and Redeemer of the world” (pg 61). 

Savior.  Do we know and believe what that title means?  This is the aspect of faith that I want to address.  Many of us believe in Jesus Christ but do we believe Him?  I can say I have faith in Christ but just as important do I believe that He will actually do what He promised He would do?

Stephen Robinson beautifully writes in his book “Believing Christ” about this important understanding of having faith in Christ:   
“Not only must we believe that he is who he says he is, we must also believe that he can do what he says he can do.  We must only believe in Christ, we must also believe Christ when he says he can clean us up and make us celestial.  He says that through his atoning blood, all mankind may be saved – and “all mankind” must logically include you and me.  So until we accept the real possibility of our own exaltation in the kingdom of God, we do not yet have faith in Christ; we do not yet believe” (pg. 10).

I have forever been changed by this understanding.  The summer after Emmett died, as you may recall from my last post, was a very difficult time for me.  I needed to be free of fear.  The book previously mention, “Believing Christ” was recommended by a counselor that I had been meeting with.  After meeting with him and using this new resource in my gospel study I was able to find a new light that has lead me down a path of happiness.  As I came to understand and allow the power of Christ’s atonement in my life I felt the burdens I had been carrying lift off my shoulders.  I became a new person!  As I used my faith in Christ to guide me to believe in His merciful power I was able to be free. 

I had to start practicing right away.  I knew that if I only took this new knowledge and thanked Heavenly Father for helping me to understand that that wouldn’t be enough.  I needed to act and apply it my life every single day. 

“Faith without works is dead."  This is a vital part in believing Christ.  We need to act.  We are commanded to act.  We were just told today by Elder Hales in the Saturday afternoon session of General Conference that “there is no greater or more powerful lesson to learn than that of obedience.”  We need to heed the Lord’s commandment to have faith because if we don’t it will hinder our acceptance of all other aspects of this great gospel.  Elder Pearson taught, “If we desire more faith, we must be more obedient. When we teach our children by example or precept to be casual or situational in obeying God’s commandments, we prevent them from receiving this vital spiritual gift. Faith requires an attitude of exact obedience, even in the small, simple things.”  

Stephen Robinson continues, “If we believe only in Christ without believing Christ, then we are like people sitting in cold, dark houses surrounded by unused lamps and heater, people who believe in electricity but who never throw the switch to turn on the power.  People like this often pretend to themselves and to others that merely believing in electricity makes them warm and gives them light, but they still shiver in the dark unless they turn on the power.  Though the appliances may all work and the wiring may be in good order, until we accept the power itself, beyond merely believing in the theory of power, we cannot enjoy the warmth and the light.  This is why genuine faith in Christ – active acceptance of his power and not just passive belief in his identity – is and must be the very first principle of the gospel.  No matter how much of the gospel one learns or even believes as a theory, until we accept the reality of our own salvation, we have not yet turned on the power” (pg 12). 

We must make the decision today to believe Christ and take action in the right path.  “When we have faith in Christ, we accept and apply His Atonement and His teachings” (Preach My Gospel, page 61, emphasis added).  When we are faced with these moments, moments where we need to choose which direction we want our lives to go in, we can literally have our lives changed.  As you study about faith and apply its principles remember this counsel by Elder Pearson:

 “We do have a choice. We get what we focus on consistently. Because there is an opposition in all things, there are forces that erode our faith. Some are the result of Satan’s direct influence. But for others, we have no one but ourselves to blame. These stem from personal tendencies, attitudes, and habits we can learn to change. I will refer to these influences as the “Six Destructive Ds.”

First is doubt. Doubt is not a principle of the gospel. It does not come from the Light of Christ or the influence of the Holy Ghost. Doubt is a negative emotion related to fear. It comes from a lack of confidence in one’s self or abilities. It is inconsistent with our divine identity as children of God.

Doubt leads to discouragement. Discouragement comes from missed expectations. Chronic discouragement leads to lower expectations, decreased effort, weakened desire, and greater difficulty feeling and following the Spirit (see Preach My Gospel [2004], 10). Discouragement and despair are the very antithesis of faith.

Discouragement leads to distraction, a lack of focus. Distraction eliminates the very focus the eye of faith requires. Discouragement and distraction are two of Satan’s most effective tools, but they are also bad habits.

Distraction leads to a lack of diligence, a reduced commitment to remain true and faithful and to carry on through despite hardship and disappointment. Disappointment is an inevitable part of life, but it need not lead to doubt, discouragement, distraction, or lack of diligence.

If not reversed, this path ultimately leads to disobedience, which undermines the very basis of faith. So often the result is disbelief, the conscious or unconscious refusal to believe.

The scriptures describe disbelief as the state of having chosen to harden one’s heart. It is to be past feeling.
These Six Destructive Ds—doubt, discouragement, distraction, lack of diligence, disobedience, and disbelief—all erode and destroy our faith. We can choose to avoid and overcome them” (Elder Pearson). 

 If you find that any of those “Destructive Ds” are creeping their way into your heart - stop them!  They will not help you in your quest to finding more faith in your Savior.  Remember, President Hinkley said, “Always question.  Never doubt.”  Having questions about this gospel or any of its principles does not mean that you don’t have faith.  In fact, asking those questions, especially if you are getting on your knees and asking God about them, is showing great faith!  We will not get answers if we do not ask.  Find the courage to commence battle with the fears, trials, and heartaches in your life.  You will be blessed with “hidden treasures of knowledge” and light as you use your faith in Christ to seek out those truths. 

Remember it is important to believe in Christ but it is empowering to believe Him.  He has personally promised you that He can make you a perfect and celestial being.  Believe Him. 



Additional Resources
lds.org definition of faith:  https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bd/faith
"Faith without works is dead"  James 2:20 https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/james/2.20?lang=eng

Talks

Books
Stephen E Robison "Believing Christ" 
Elder Tad R Callister "The Infinite Atonement" 

Videos
Elder Richard G Scott "The Transforming Power of Faith and Character" https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2010-10-2080-elder-richard-g-scott?lang=eng